MyThreeDaisies

When I was a kid, as long as there was a bike to ride, or a creek to play by, or a rock to climb, and most importantly, I did get too hot and sweaty. I could handle playing outside. I’ve always preferred inside though. Video Games, reading, writing.. something that required more brain work, and less physical. Well.. that hasn’t went away, and you can tell. I now happily supply a good income for my family sitting on my couch in my pajamas all day long. And coupling that with the fact that I’ve had three babies.. I have even less of a drive to do anything outside.

I realized today that it’s not just my health that is at stake here. Eliana can not only ride her bike without help, but she can ride it fast! I had no idea. I thought she was still just barely getting it. I took the girls out some today, and she got on her bike and was gone in a flash up the driveway.

Ya-Ya is usually the one to take them outside, and it’s been okay with me all this time because it helps me; I get the free time, and they get the activity. But It’s not okay with me anymore. I’ve got to get over myself, and realize that my comfort isn’t a joy, seeing my children grow up healthy and happy is. And it’s not good enough just knowing they are, I have to be a part of it too.

The other day the two older girls were looking out the window from the couch talking excitedly about the empty swing-set they saw in our back yard. Then Lydia rushed off to her room and Eliana trudged behind her. She was talking to herself a long the way saying, “We can’t go outside unless we’re at Ya-Ya’s house. Momma works all the time so she can’t take us. We just have to stay inside all the time.” I had a sadness come over my heart instantly as I stared at the laptop with complaining clients and overdue projects piled up before me.

So here are my New Years Goals:

• A fenced in area for the girls to play in without worry of the road
• A family dog in that fence
• A patio in that fence
• A table and chairs on that patio

I have the computer I wanted, I have the furniture I wanted, I got the stove I wanted today. So now I want the ability to be with my kids outside, to let them be able to play anytime they want, I can work on the patio, and take breaks to push a swing.

I love the work that I do, but my life’s dream wasn’t to die behind a computer, it was to have a husband and children that loved me. I have those things, but time with them is wasted.

My mom once told us kids that she had a hard childhood and what she wanted when she “grew up” was to have children so that she could raise them to love her and to cherish her. My mom is the best mom, and probably one of the most loved, in the world. She’s faulty like mothers are supposed to be, but she’s genuine, and she works hard to keep her family healthy and whole.

As a kid, I said things like, “I’ll never be like that to my kids” and foolishness like that. While there are a few things I do differently, being like my mom is so much more fulfilling than trying to change. I’m a product of her raising after all. But I’m not quite there yet. I want to be better. I want my kids to cherish me and their memories of me like I do my mom. Even though I hated her when I was a teenager– Teenage girls are supposed to do that it’s some unwritten rule. I look back and have the same regrets most grown ups do. “Mom and Dad were right about everything.”

So It’s time for me to stop living for me, and give my life to my children, because they are all that really matter in the scheme of things.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 8th, 2007 at 4:59 pm and is filed under Eliana, Home, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.